Head Games

I have not written in a while and it is basically for one reason. My head hurts. Now I should mention my head has a long history of hurting, dating back to elementary school when I told my mother I had a headache to which she replied that kids as young as I was did not get headaches. (She has since decided that she was probably wrong in that instance). Normal for me is 3-5 headaches a week, mostly of the nagging but not debilitating variety that can be brought to a dull ache with over the counter medication. At times I have suffered from migraines, which first reared their enormously ugly head in graduate school, but promptly left when I finished my degree. Can you say stress-related? I proceeded to go through a few years relatively migraine free until I went into labor with my daughter, upon which I had the worst migraine of my life.

Since that time I have had menstrual migraines (which are what they sound like; lots of fairly severe headaches around a particular time of month) along with my run of the mill ones 3-5 times a week. Now though it appears that the evil headache gods have decided to throw yet another curve ball my way. Looking back I now realize I have had a headache everyday for going on a month. I start out relatively good in the morning but by the afternoon I am typically fading fast, and while the pain will ebb and flow it will not completely leave until I finally go to bed. Over the counter meds are powerless against them. These headaches are different in that I now have neck pain (I picture a giant squeezing a stress ball with my head being the stress ball, his hand at the base of my skull where it meets the neck) as well as the standard ache in the forehead region. They do not rank as severe as migraines (at least not most of the time) but it is the chronic never-ending factor which is really starting to take its toll.

Now I am not a hypochondriac nor do I believe I am a wimp, but this is starting to get ridiculous even for headache-prone me, and last week when I found myself crying because ..... yet again .... me head was throbbing and poor Isabelle wanted to play (and all I wanted to do was curl into the fetal position in a dark room) I decided I really did have to see a doctor.

I know, you are thinking why in the He** did she not do that way before? Well, I have for the migraines over the years, but as far as the numerous other headaches I have mostly managed them with non-prescription stuff, and while nagging I did not feel they were affecting my quality of life. Besides it has always been my norm, so frankly I do not know any different. I am very good at powering through most headaches and have become skilled at even masking the fact that I have one most of the time. For instance, the fact that Clay gets maybe three headaches a year is just amazing to me. What must that be like?

Now that I have sufficiently whined I will tell you without getting into minute detail that yes, I am seeing a doctor and yes, we have started a plan of action involving medication and a few tests, but the simple truth of the matter is there are no easy answers. Most of the time there is no underlying cause for chronic headaches, and the "lucky" people who get them have to simply learn to manage them the best they can with medication and lifestyle. I could be trying various medications for quite some time before I manage to find one that works well for me, and then of course, there is the trade off of side effects as these are not exactly baby-aspirin we're popping.

But it is not just about me anymore, and it is not fair to my almost three year old to have a Mom who is not fully present at any given moment due to chronic pain. She already knows too much, and asks me almost everyday if my head hurts .... something I would like her not to have to concern herself with at such a young age. So, I am officially getting on the medical roller coaster to see if we can find a solution, and in the mean time, I am going to do my best to laugh through the pain. After all, so many people out there have it worse.

Update: The Red Wings are helping to lift my spirits considerably with their fabulous play, as they hope to finish off Dallas tonight in Game 4, which would be their second consecutive sweep in the playoffs. Franzen and I have something in common as he continues to be out with "concussion-like symptoms," but Datsuk and Zetterberg are picking up the slack. I am guessing we will be facing Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup final unless Philly can make an amazing comeback (just like Dallas hopes to do). So, go red Wings!