Making Choices

I wish that our lives had road signs to tell us what direction we are supposed to take. At least for those big decisions, ya know? Like do I buy this house, go to this college, take this job, marry this guy, or have another child? I would like it if you could see a bit further down the road and know if taking a particular job is going to result in a horrible boss and no raises or if the house you buy and slowly fix up will turn into a fantastic profit for you in the future.


Of course, life doesn't work like that. I just finished this book called "Memory Keeper's Daughter," and while it is about relationships and desires and lots of other issues, it is ultimately all about choices: the ones we make and the ones people make for us, and how even what can seem like a small decision can, in fact, have huge ramifications in our lives later on. So, how do I know I am making the "right" decision then? My husband thinks in a very logical manner and looks at the facts, strictly interpreting the pros and cons and crunching the numbers. I tend to be more of a "gut-feeling" kind of gal and have been known to make rather large decisions based on only an emotion. Case in point: When my parents and I were looking at colleges we looked at the finances, evaluated scholarships, studied curriculums, visited campuses, considered distance from home, etc. Well, I should say they did more of that and informed me what the results were! After looking at five or so I was still undecided. All of them would have been fine I am sure, but none of them drew me in. Then we took a trip up to NMU. I remember driving into Marquette and dipping under the railroad tressle for the oar dock and thinking the town had a certain vibe. It echoed again when I crouched on my knees on a massive boulder at Presque Isle park, the wind trying its best to yank my hair right off of my skull, as I looked out over lake Superior. That vibe, that feeling, mirrored some inner beating of my heart, and I just knew that I was supposed to move to the U.P. and go to school at Northern. Their English program turned out to meet my needs, but honestly all of it was secondary when compared with a simple gut emotion.


The same feeling has surfaced once or twice since. It came with my husband, but it wasn't there instantly. Oh, there was attraction and a spark, but the knowledge that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man came more like a month or two after we had been dating. However, once there I knew without a single doubt, and truly he could have asked me to marry him probably half a year sooner then he did, and I know I would have said yes.

So, I guess what I have established is that if I have a strong emotional feeling my choice is made. The problem is I have come to realize that it doesn't always prove true for a loved one who wants my help in deciding something, nor is it always accurate when joint decisions must be made. My gut feeling is a strictly personal tool that is unable to be lent out for another's use. I find this incredibly frustrating when I want so badly to help someone I love. Ultimately, we can ask for help and get others opinions, but at the end of the day we have to choose for ourselves. It is a little scary, especially when I apply these thoughts to my daughter and think about her making important life choices as she grows into an adult. I will always want to help the people I care about, but I have to remind myself that sometimes the best way I can help them is to get out of the way and let them choose for themselves.