Trip down Memory Lane

Something in my dreams last night triggered a childhood memory. (I don't believe it was the dream where I was dressed as a chipmunk in a fur-filled musical being attacked by a rather large puppy. No joke! That was one of my dreams.) Anyways, I woke up at something like six in the morning suddenly remembering this incident from when I was ..... I don't know maybe sevenish? It was during the summer, and I went over to a neighbor's house to see if they wanted to play. (This was before all the hyper-scheduling of playdates nowadays.... children just actually spontaneously played together, imagine!) It was one street over and their last name were the Heffernans (or something along those lines. We will go with Heffernans even though I think that is the last name of Doug and Carrie on all the "King of Queens" re-runs. Sorry, back to the point.) The Heffernans had a daughter a year younger than myself.

When I got there Lena already had a friend over, and they were playing in the basement. I have no idea how long we played, but I remember that after a bit Lena disappeared upstairs to talk to her Mom, and when she came back down, Lena's mom called for me to come up. Standing rather awkwardly in front of her and feeling nervous, I waited to see what she wanted. In a very serious manner she bent down and blinked rather large eyes at me, and then solemnly informed me that I needed to go home because Lena just wanted to play with her one friend right now. Essentially I was not welcome, and she was booting me out the door. Feeling awful, I left the house as quickly as possible. I never went to Lena's house again.

Now, after all of these years, I can still sort of feel the remainders of the rejection and embarrassment, and I wonder why such a moment should be so ingrained on my psyche. I think for a couple of reasons. One, it was the first time that I had an idea that a grownup had perhaps done something wrong. Up to that point, adults in my eyes were still all-wise and all-knowing and, therefore, to be deferred to without question. When this incident happened, I did not know what exactly I felt, only that I was somehow unfairly treated. Looking on it as a parent today, I think Mrs. Heffernan handled the situation badly. I know I would be more inclined to help my daughter find ways to include all her friends and enforce the idea that excluding a playmate might hurt that playmate's feelings. Ya know, the whole "how would you feel if someone did that to you" kind of thing. To me, it was like giving your child permission to be rude. Plus, it seems almost anything would have been kinder then basically saying "my daughter doesn't want to play with you." Especially when it is an adult telling this to a young child. A second reason this little moment has stuck with me is because it was the first time I had really felt rejected. And I mean not the older brother dumping little sister kind of rejection but the I wasn't good enough, likable enough, fun enough, or cool enough, kind of rejection. It stings. Hell, even as adults we still all want to be liked.

I do not know if I ever told my mom. I think I was too embarrassed. Ahh, the painful days of childhood! Funny how the mind works, and I still wonder what dream or random thought that I am not remembering triggered this trip down memory lane. It also makes me realize Isabelle will someday face rejection and hurt feelings, and like any parent I wish I could spare her, but it is all part of growing up, isn't it?