MRI Insanity

So, I had my very first MRI yesterday. Quite the experience. Being a person who likes to be informed I had popped myself on-line and read about MRI's and of course, queried everyone I knew who had gone through one. Everyone said the same thing: loud and small. (They were not kidding.)


First of all, I had to do the complete strip and throw on a hospital gown (two actually, I wore one as a robe for warmth and some added coverage in the posterior) because any kind of metal is BAD in an MRI for obvious reasons. Anyway, there I was swimming in two gowns (both like triple x-large and capable of covering a small humpback whale) sitting on this narrow "bed" and getting ready to slide into what looked to me to be a very tiny tunnel. First, the ear plugs wouldn't fit. Turns out I have tiny ear canals and most ear plugs just pop right back out when you try and stuff them in my ears. So, the nurse and I crammed them in the best we could and then she had me lay down in order to put this "helmet" on my head. I had a brief flash to Hannibal Lector in "Silence of the Lambs" when he is strapped to that board wearing what looked like an old style goalie mask. It wasn't that bad, really, as it only covered the top half of my head and there were large eye holes, but I was quickly feeling, shall we say .... contained. The nurse then wedged in a whole bunch of padding between my head and the helmet in order to muffle the sound and keep my head still. At that point I could not have moved my head if I wanted to. Handing me a squeeze ball with a cord attached she instructed me to press it if I needed to stop the test and told me to relax.


Now I should mention I am a little bit leery of tight spaces. I am not a huge fan of elevators (although I think that might have more to do with the movement and less the small space) nor do I like to be in a crowd. I would not have described myself as bad as claustrophobic because it isn't like I panic (Well, except that time at Shamrock bar in college when there were so many people it was like we were a herd of cattle in a corral and I felt my heart start racing and it was as if I was going to scream, cry, or freak out, if I did not get out of there immediately. Yeah, it was a panic attack but that's another story). So, hell, maybe I am claustrophobic, but as I did not wish to be sedated I figured I would just suck it up and handle it. Yikes. Turns out the tube was even smaller on the inside than it looked on the outside. I closed my eyes before I even felt the bed move into the tunnel, but all the same I could sense the closeness of it, the walls pressing down around me, and I felt my heart rate jump up and my hands start to shake.


Then the sound began, and I can only describe it as laying inside a metal drum while someone runs a jackhammer against it on the outside. Yes, it was that loud, and even knowing it was going to be loud I was still startled. The panic was crawling up my throat, and for a moment I thought there was no way I could do this test. Somehow, I managed to get a grip on myself and concentrated on taking some slow breaths. The sounds continued and changed varying like something in a kid's cartoon with strange twangs, beeps, pulses, thumps, and whistles, and soon I found myself trying to anticipate what I might hear next. It was a continual effort to keep a handle on my emotions and not let my fear creep in, and it dawned on me that an MRI might not be a bad torture device for any terrorists we capture. I mean lets review: not allowed to move, crammed in a tiny claustrophobic space, incredible noise..... for me, if you just piped in Rod Stewart singing "If You think I'm Sexy," I would be in the seventh circle of Hell.

Twenty minutes through the nurse pulled me out, and I had a few minutes to open my eyes while she gave me an injection of contrast dye, which was no big deal other then that it was cold and I could actually sense it in my vein moving up my arm. Later, I swear, I could feel it in my brain, like cool fingers. It sounds like something out of a horror flick, but truly, while weird it was not an unpleasant sensation. Six more minutes in the tube, and I was done, feeling like a dog let off it's leash for the first time.

Now I have only to await the results, although I doubt anything of significance will be found. I have joked with my mother for years that I know my headaches are not caused by something scary like a brain tumor because I would have been dead ages and ages ago. (Is that my Monty Python "Tis merely a flesh wound" mentality coming through again, Chrissy?)


Red Wings update: Do not get me started on the disgusting job of officiating during game 4 or the almost blatant appearance of slanting a game enormously in one team's favor in order to force a game five. Yes, the Wings did not play perfectly, but then again typically a team only has ONE opponent in a hockey game, not two. Actually, though it will work out fine as it is hard to play with a continual level of intensity when you are always kicking the other team's A**, and it will serve to help the Wings refocus their energies. Plus, we will not have the pressure of carrying on a long winning streak going into the final series. Besides, I see Pittsburgh was not any better at finishing off their round against Philly and they did not have to play against the refs too.