It is an amazing thing to have your life back when you did not even completely realize you had been missing it. Yet, here I am this week thinking just that. It is all because of a little pill called Topomax. This unimpressive, tiny white pill that looks about the size of a baby aspirin is seemingly (at least thus far) capable of doing what nothing has been capable of doing. It makes my head NOT hurt. YES. Can you believe it? Well, two tiny white pills, that is, but ya get my point.
My doctor and I just recently weaned me off of a drug that I pretty much hated for a variety of reasons, namely that it did absolutely zilch to quell the pounding in my skull, and I started the Topomax only about two weeks ago, so I know it is early to be "singing its praises" but when you have not had six consecutive days ( hell, who am I kidding? two consecutive days) without a headache in over four months, then you can begin to understand why I am just a little bit excited. Of course, it is too early to know if this will be the miracle drug that will handle the especially bad migraines that tend to surface around my menstrual cycle, but I am on a relatively low dose right now so I do have some wiggle room too.
And while I know it sounds overly dramatic to say I have my life back that is truly how it feels. I am filled with so much happiness this week that I am practically giddy. I find myself glancing at the clock in the afternoon with something akin to shock, realizing that I am not crippled on the couch cradling my head, but in fact, reading a book, doing laundry, or weeding a flower bed while Isabelle catches her nap. I am not mentally pushing myself through preparing dinner because my head is throbbing, or subconsciously planning my day in order to have all errands and appointments done in the morning since I know more than likely I won't be able to by the afternoon. Most importantly though, I am mentally present for my daughter, happy and able to play and read and do whatever we want to do together.
The funny thing is though was that I knew my headaches were bad. I mean I went to the doctor because it was so bad, and yet, now that I am actually experiencing a few days of, I guess, normalcy I am suddenly realizing how BAD it has been. I guess it goes to show what a person just adjusts to and learns to live/cope with. Now, of course, I am slightly terrified that this is just some weird hiccup and I will suddenly say awaken from my blissful, pain-free dream and find myself back in the vice-like grip that has been my head, but it is a good start. There are side effects as always (some big ones... while the pills look like nothing they are powerful little buggers) but I am willing to take on some fairly large trade offs if it means my head is no longer the tiny stress ball in some giant's hand. As with most things in life, time will tell if this is the answer I seek, but for now I plan to enjoy my "new head" to the utmost.
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