Ya, know all you hear about is working moms and the guilt they feel because they are off working and are away from their children all day. There are entire talk show programs devoted to helping mothers alleviate this guilt, complete with pointers on how to spend quality time. I got news for ya: there is such a thing as "stay-at-home-mom guilt" too.
In fact, it rears its ugly head for me every single year at about this time. Why you ask? Well, it all comes down to purchasing Christmas presents for my husband. You see I come up with ideas, comb through catalogs, scour the stores and think endlessly on what he wants/needs. Then, when I finally make my decisions I proceed to buy these gifts....... with money he has earned from HIS job. Now, call me crazy, but doesn't this defeat the purpose of a gift? I mean really he is buying himself a gift. Now I know (those of you who would defend me) I, too, have a job even if it is one that does not receive financial compensation, and there is that whole song and dance that his money is also my money and yada, yada, yada, but it just FEELS so wrong. I have thought of making him gifts instead, but lets face it; they just are not as nice. Knitted cap (if I could knit) or new driver for his golf bag? Hmmm, let me think, which would he like more? So, every year at this time I feel even more guilty for not working outside the home. As if I do not get enough guilt about that from outside sources. I mean society these days is all about how busy you are, how many activities, appointments, and plans you have scheduled, and some people make you feel like a complete loser because you are choosing to stay home and "only" raise your daughter. You know who you are, people.
Oh, and then there is the other guilt. You know what I am speaking of other S.A.H mommies. It appears whenever you decide to actually ask for a few minutes/hours of time for yourself to say go shopping with a friend or perhaps out to lunch. For me, I ask my husband if he can watch Isabelle for a while (and to his credit he is always willing to, although I tend to obviously work around his schedule so I know there are no conflicts). As soon as I drive off I am feeling somehow like I am shirking my duties, or if I am gone for more than a couple hours that I am taking too long. I even miss my daughter! Not that I think that is a bad thing, but it is a little nuts isn't it? I am so used to having this little shadow 24/7 that even when I really need the time away (for my own mental health and sanity) I am anxious to get back to her and feeling, yes, guilty, for being away. This is the guilt of not measuring up to perfect mommy standards. See, the perfect mommy never needs a break or her own timeout (because if she doesn't take it she might prove to be an example of why some animals eat their young). The perfect mommy never sits her kid in front of the tv to watch an episode of Diego, so she can maybe read the mail or start dinner. The perfect mommy always makes healthy meals, never loses her temper, always knows just the right way to stop a tantrum, and makes every moment a teaching moment. I hate the perfect mommy, and while I hope she is a fictious creature in my mind, she still remains the unrealistic standard by which I continually find myself lacking. Do all mothers do this or am I just neurotic?
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