Praying

"What's wrong, Mommy?"

"Oh, nothing honey. Mommy is just a jumble of emotions right now."

"But I can make you feel better."

"Oh, yeah? How?"

"I give you a hug and you put up your eyebrows and then you will feel better!"


Yeah, life is a jumble of emotions right now, and these days my heart doesn't know if it should beat right out of my chest, jump in my throat, or swell to gigantic proportions. Case in point: I sat on the shores of Lake Superior this past week with the sun blazing down, the wind whipping my hair, watching my daughter and my brother's two children play in the shallows of that chilly lake's waters. My niece, Anya, is the picture of wild purity, a child who experiences everything to the utmost and lives her life with a zest that will make people flock to her as she matures because she radiates such a beauty of spirit. My nephew, Gideon, is the happy, easy-going one, always ready to bring a laugh or a smile to your face and so darn adorable I swear he could be the poster child for any kid product ever made. And then there is my Isabelle, splashing in the water, still trying to decide if she really is okay with being that sandy and disheveled but industriously filling her bucket with sand and compacting it with water anyway. All of them are the picture of innocence and of what is beautiful and right and wonderful in this world and in that moment sitting in my chair with my mother and my brother and sister-in-law, my heart could not possibly get any bigger with love.

Yet, in that same moment at the opposite end of the spectrum my grandmother lay ill in a hospital and we were waiting for word. Days later there have been a lot of words, little improvement and more questions. I am told to pray, but my heart asks what should I pray for? Ultimately, I pray for God to help my grandmother ...... in whatever form that takes so long as it removes any fear, suffering or pain from the equation. Selfishly, I would keep her with me always, but I don't "man the controls" on this ride, so it is not for me to decide and perhaps that is as it should be. For me, sometimes life feels to big to handle. Like I have more emotion then I know what to do with and this week has been like that. Everything is such a muddled mess within my head that it is hard to form an articulate thought. It is at times like this when I like to believe there is a "greater power" at work, somehow guiding me through. Call it naive, if you will, I don't mind.

But through my jumble of emotions I still see how life comes full circle (as well as throwing you a couple of curve balls) so I will choose to think about my grandmother's great grandchildren (her legacy) frolicking on the shores of Lake Superior, and I will swallow the lump that continues to climb into my throat, and I will listen to my heart thump away in my chest, and I will hope for a better tomorrow.

All things Isabelle

Last Friday Clay and I took our daughter to Green Bay for a surprise. She has been obsessed with Thomas the Train for the past two years, so when the "Day out with Thomas" program came to the National Railroad Museum, I knew we had to take her. It was toddler insanity! Picture about a gazillion 2-5 year olds trailing around with their parents, strollers, cameras, and Thomas t-shirts, waiting for their chance to meet Thomas. Isabelle got to go on a twenty-five minute train ride with Thomas at the head of the train. We paused for photo ops with a giant Lego Thomas, jumped inside a castle trampoline for an eternity, saw Sir Topham Hatt himself (you would have to know the Thomas the Train books to have any clue who he is) and toured the railroad museum, climbing in and out of a number of engines, passenger cars and the largest train I have ever seen, named "Big Boy." Isabelle also entertained a roomful of people with an impromptu dance on a stage to music piped through the speakers in between the children's band that was actually performing. In the days since our trip she has talked continually about her ride on Thomas, and wants to wear her new "I spent the day with Thomas t-shirt" everyday. Overall, I think it is safe to say she loved her surprise, and it was a great way to finish up celebrating her birthday.

Her birthday party the Sunday before our trip to see Thomas was also very much enjoyed. She loved her presents (I have been chasing her on her new bike everyday) but mostly she loved playing with her cousins. It is hard to believe she is now three years old and truly no longer a baby, but instead a little girl. The time has flown, but I find this age a lot of fun, although exhausting! It is an amazing experience to watch the tiny being you created develop into a little soul with her own personality, sense of humor, and crazy quirks. I see glimpses now of the woman she will one day become, and I mentally tell myself to log these moments away in a safe place as they are going to be the memories I cherish most. I am so thankful for the time I have with Isabelle. Yes, it is hard sometimes (to the point where I swear I am going to need a padded cell, or at the very least several stiff drinks), but she fills my heart in a way that nothing else in this world ever has. So, looking back on the last week, I am just feeling fortunate .... fortunate for the time I can spend, the family I have, and the fact that we can give Isabelle the kind of safe and happy childhood that every child should be blessed with.

Lord Stanley, at Last!

It seemed somewhat anti-climactic after the insanity that was the fifth game, but the Red Wings are bringing home the cup once more, and I, for one, could not be happier. Playing in their 104th game of the season they clinched their 11th NHL championship and 4th in the last 11 seasons. They did it this year by closing out every playoff series on the road, by battling through doubt, questionable calls, trash-talking coaches, and always believing in one another. It is the epitome of why I love team sports, and especially hockey.

How beautiful to see such a deserving guy like Nick Lidstrom, hoist the cup as team captain, and it was fantastic to witness Dallas Drake, NMU alum, after 16 seasons and at age 39 win his first NHL championship with the same team he began his career with. By far though my favorite moment of the night was watching Dan Cleary, cool and collected, be interviewed by the Canadian announcer. Moments later he located his wife and baby daughter in the crowd and dissolved into a puddle of tears and emotion. After fighting back from a horrifically broken jaw, Cleary will now bring the Stanley Cup home to Newfoundland for the first time ever.

So, now I can breathe once again and my continual talk of playoffs, and Cups and Red Wings will perhaps not be so prevalent on my blog (well, once the victory parade is over on Friday, and of course, there is always next season!) For now, I will sit quietly and smile, perusing all of the interviews, articles, videos, and photos I can find on the Internet, secure in the knowledge that the best team won. Go Red Wings!

Why God, Why?

I should have known it was not going to be our night. The second Kronwall accidentally cleared the puck into our own net, I should have known that our hockey luck was absent yesterday. It was apparent that Fleury was standing on his head and stopping everything, but when we battled back and tied it and then took the lead, I thought surely the hockey gods would favor us now. I felt like someone had just told me my dog died when the Penguins somehow scored with 30-some seconds left in regulation. How could this be? Yet, I still held out hope, watching the Wings out skate, out shoot, out play the Penguins through two and a half overtimes, despite two very questionable interference calls, and even when the death knell was delivered by awarding a four minute penalty to an accidental high stick that yes, drew blood, but only because the player already had a previous cut in the same place. It was like a perfect storm created for the sole purpose of denying the Red Wings what should be rightfully theirs.

We deserve this Cup. We are the superior team in every sense of the word. We have behaved the right way, worked hard, continued to be a classy hockey team regardless of the fact that the Penguins have whined, complained, and delivered cheap shots to get where they are. We are a true team, with everyone contributing and not just one or two players carrying the load. I will tip my hat to Fleury who single-handedly kept his team in the playoffs last night, but frankly I find it hard to give credit to the rest of their team as it is more a matter of us beating ourselves then the Penguins actually beating us. I would challenge anyone to watch Game 3 and and Game 5 over and tell me otherwise.

Now, I am left feeling somewhat heart sick. I still firmly believe that if we play how we are capable we will prevail, but I have seen the better team not win the Cup before, and it feels as if the fates are conspiring against us. On to Game Six.