Sometimes it would be so much easier to be a man. This thought comes into my head periodically and recently has resurfaced once more. Shopping for clothes tends to make this happen. Case in point: We have a fancy event coming up (and by fancy I mean essentially an adult prom) that we attend every year due to Clay's job and presence on the Chamber board. Truthfully, it has become a fun evening for me with dinner, dancing, and good conversation as well as the chance for a door prize or a bid on an auction item. The not so fun part is trying to find something appropriate to wear to this damn thing every year.
The guys, of course, have it simple. A suit (90% wear black so not even a question there) or if they really wish to jazz it up, a tux. Even the color shirt is pretty easy as almost all wear red or white due to the timing of the event and its proximity to Valentine's Day. For us ladies though not so simple. We need a gown and color is only one of a billion things to consider.
For me, I always play it safe and go with black as it is classic and always is appropriate. Don't get me wrong, I do not mind being noticed (what girl does?) but I would prefer not to be the one lady clad in peach or baby blue, and advertising that I last wore this dress as a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. However, I understand the wish to reuse those bridesmaid dresses..... I mean you spent money on them, they were tailored to fit you, and who wants to blow a sizable amount of money on another dress that you most likely will also wear only once? The problem with a bridesmaid dress is that it usually will always look like a bridesmaid dress, even if you try to change it in some way. So for me, black and no revisiting of bridesmaid dresses.
My next issue is finding something that is age appropriate. This truly becomes a challenge for those of us who still fit in junior clothing and tend to look our age or perhaps younger depending on how we dress. To put it bluntly, while a lot of junior dresses fit me, I too often look like I might be attending a high school homecoming dance as opposed to an event where alcohol is actually served. Keeping this in mind and the fact that I loathe my legs (and yes, I mean loathe. They are big, muscular, and my thighs are not fit for public viewing. Plus, I know it sounds weird but I have ugly knees) I always go for a long gown. So, at this point you are saying, "Okay, long black gown, not bridesmaidy, and not high school. Got it. How hard is it to find a long, black gown?" Ahh, but you do not live in the U.P. where there is not exactly a high demand for formal wear. Choices and places to look are somewhat limited, and as any woman understands, shopping on-line for something like a dress is fraught with risk as you never know how it might end up fitting despite measuring, comparing and calculating to our best ability. What is a size six in one style/brand is a ten in another.
Of course, if you manage to find a dress, and it actually meets the standards you require (like not too tight in the thighs, not too bare, not too racy, not too slutty, not too matronly, not too boring, not too loose in the top, not too gaudy with sequins, beads etc., and of course, not too expensive) then you are still stuck trying to find the right undergarments to wear with the dress. Of course, the dress I picked out this year ended up being lower-backed, which creates its own set of challenges. Last year I wore those bra cups that actually adhere to your skin around your breast and then hook together with a small clasp. Amazingly, they are actually comfortable and manage to give you a little "boost" where you need it. One problem though. Or should I say major design flaw. You had better not get warm and start to perspire too much! There I was, having a grand evening when I decided to go dance a bit with some of the girls. After a couple of drinks I was getting my "groove on" and having fun..... until my sticky bra cups started sliding south. Yup. There I was on the dance floor, trying casually to push those damn things back into their original positions. While they never slid right off it felt like they were going to wind up around my ankles at any moment, so I quickly vacated the dance floor. Turns out the adhesive does not work so well if you get hot. Keep in mind I was warm from dancing, but it wasn't like I had just ran thirty minutes on the treadmill and was dripping. I would hate to think what they would be like if you wore them to a summer barbecue! Note to self: No sticky bra cups if you are planning on doing anything other than standing around and then only in cold weather.
Spanx are a great invention though. Footless pantyhose that actually do what they promise. They smooth you all over, hold in that tummy, minimize the thighs, no panty lines and don't require you to feel as if you are in an iron maiden when wearing them. Thank god for the WOMAN who invented such a sensible item.
Yup, all in all it is much easier to be the man when it comes to a formal evening out. Yet, despite the extra effort it sometimes requires to be of the feminine sex there is not enough money in the world to make me ever wish to be a man. I mean ladies, we all know our bodies are much more attractive in their design, and we are actually comfortable and secure in expressing our emotions. We do not find it necessary to always get in a fight to resolve a conflict nor is it required that we smack each others ass when we do a good job. Not too mention our intuition is way more accurate. Really, I could go on forever as to the advantages, but suffice it to say that other then the clothes thing (that and maybe the ability to pee standing up!) men can keep their testosterone. Bring on the spanx and sticky bras!
No comments:
Post a Comment